Nov 23, 2013

Leave It To Beaver

It's come down to beating the Beavs to have a shot at a successful season. If UW loses this game, seven wins is the best they'll be able to muster in the regular season after all of the much-hyped "getting over the hump" talk earlier in the year. 

This game will go a lot in determining Sark's future at UW - yes, his QB is banged up, but UW has a more talented and experienced squad than OSU and should be able to take out the Beavers in Corvallis for the first time since 2003.

Call it Dawgs 27-23. And here's TheDawgGal for a little pre-game snark:

I must confess I have a soft spot for Oregon State after cheering for them every year in the Civil War game. Any hatred I have of the team is geared more toward their stupid ass mascot, Benny the Beaver. Those evil googly eyes haunt my dreams:
Inline image 1
"Saturday Night Beaver"
There's also the aerodynamic gopher logo they're sporting these days...not that I should cast stones considering the Huskies 2001-2006 logo:

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Now that's an angry Beaver.

I much prefer the hip-hop inspired Benny Jr. that graces OSU's recruitment page.

Kris Kross will make Corvallis jump, jump!

And here's Benny the Beaver enjoying his favorite activity:

Inline image 4
 Having Mel Gibson's hand up his ass.

 Go Dawgs!

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Nov 18, 2013

Dawgs are Bummin'

A potential season-saving road win against the #13 team in the country turned into a disaster as the Dawgs dropped another road game, this time a 41-31 loss to UCLA. The frustration is starting to boil over for Husky Nation as UW effectively beat themselves on Friday after spotting the Bruins a 14-0 lead due to fumbles by ASJ and Bishop Sankey.

It certainly didn't help that Keith Price was injured late in the second quarter and unable to return in the second half. UW was able to move the ball at times with redshirt freshman Cyler Miles at QB, but two costly interceptions kept the Huskies from getting back into the game.

Former Bellevue Wolverine and current UCLA freshman, Myles Jack, added to his two-way player lore in rushing for four touchdowns and 59 yards against UW. Jack also made a number of enemies in the Northwest with this odd display of showboating:

Yep, gonna hate that guy for the next few years.

So now the Huskies sit at 6-4 with their starting quarterback nursing a shoulder injury that could keep him out of Saturday's game against the Beavers. The latest word is that Price didn't suffer any structural damage, but the swelling on his throwing shoulder could still prevent him from playing. Ugh.

To add insult to injury, the Pac-12 officially apologized today for the personal foul penalty on Dexter Charles that negated a 38-yard touchdown pass to Damore'ea Stringfellow in the second quarter while the Bruins led 27-7. The Huskies ended up punting on that drive. While that play wouldn't have necessarily changed the outcome of the game, it was an absolutely brutal penalty in a key situation that serves as another blow to the Pac-12's officiating reputation that has truly become the laughingstock of college football.

After the repeated cries that this season would be different than the three previous 7-win years, the Huskies are right back to staring mediocrity in the face. Beating OSU in Corvallis on Saturday night will be a tall order for a team that 1) has struggled down there in recent history and 2) may be without their starting quarterback. A resurgent Wazzu team (5-5) will also be a difficult game, especially if KP is unable to go.

So how hot do you think Sark's seat should be right now? In many ways, this is his best team at UW, but they're still 6-4 and were unable to contend with the top teams in the conference. Again. 

What should Coach Sark's future be at UW this year? free polls 

There is still a decent chance that this team can go 9-4 and wipe away much of the frustration of the season, but they'll certainly have to play better than they did at the Rose Bowl. Let us now pour out some Purple Drank to bless the healing powers of KP's shoulder. We're gonna need him.

Go Dawgs!

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Nov 14, 2013

The Time Is Now

UW is back to the big-time against UCLA tomorrow night after a three-week stretch of two cupcakes and a bye. Beating the #13 ranked Bruins in the Rose Bowl would vault Washington back into the Top 25 and position the team for an Alamo / Holiday type bowl as opposed to a Sun / Las Vegas / (gulp) Fight Hunger bowl.

But it won't be easy. For one thing, the Dawgs will have to take on the dynamic duo of Jim Mora Jr. and Myles Jack - both of whom represent sore spots for Husky fans.

 Mora's office is seriously no-frills.

A segment of the fan base saw Mora as UW's savior after he mentioned that coaching the Huskies was his "dream job" while coaching the Atlanta Falcons. In 2007,  Atlanta fire Mora and he was potentially interested in coaching the Huskies, but UW chose to retain Ty Willingham for a fourth season instead (ugh). 

Now Mora has found quick success at UCLA where he's gone 16-7 over the past two seasons. Ultimately it doesn't make much sense for UW fans to pine for Mora as the odds of him replacing Sark are quite low. If UW did part ways with Sark, the school could potentially offer Mora a significant raise (Sark currently makes $2.57m to Mora's 2.3m), but UCLA would most likely ante up to keep him. 


Who will have the better college football coaching career? free polls 

All of this is moot really as Husky fans should be rooting for Sark to win out this year so we don't have to seriously consider replacements. Anyway, let's end the Mora discussion with a photo of him playing Purple Nurple with Nebraska's Bo Pelini:

Mora lost a nipple that day.

And then there's Myles Jack who scorned UW for UCLA and is now tearing it up as a true freshman linebacker and is apparently the best running back on the team. Good grief. This article makes it sound like Jack chose UCLA after getting to know Mora while his little brother played on the same Pee Wee team as Mora's son. So basically if the Seahawks didn't hire Mora and he took a different job instead of coming to Seattle, Jack might be a Husky right now. God damn it.

Myles Jack = a young Paul Mooney?

The Husky defense will once again face a mobile, dual-threat quarterback in UCLA's Brett Hundley (another near UW commit). Mobile QBs Marcus Mariota and Taylor Kelly both shredded the Huskies, so hopefully Wilcox and crew will install a game plan that keeps Hundley in check. If not, here's hoping this bear eats him before tomorrow night:

Interesting choice, photographer...

If UW plays like they did at Stanford (minus the kickoff coverage part), they will win this game. The Bruins have struggled mightily against good, physical defenses (12 points/game vs. Stanford/Nike U) with Hundley having a penchant for throwing interceptions at critical times. UW's best bet is to load up on the run and force Hundley to beat them with his arm. Hopefully the Dawgs pick up a couple defensive scores like last week and we get to see UCLA backup QB Jerry Neuheisel in mop-up duty:

My mom's lesbian yoga pal called and she wants her hair back.

In all honesty, that haircut is rad, and it would be one helluva golf club warmer. Anyway, I've been meaning to mention a new and very important element of Husky football, which is, of course, Jaydon Mickens' early 90's era, cut-off jersey:

Frankly, it's been too long since this style was rocked in football and I'm shocked the NCAA hasn't told Mickens to "adjust his modified playing equipment." Maybe the NCAA doesn't watch night games. It's not quite at the level of Half-Jersey Legend, Chris Zorich, but it's close:

But in the end, this Bruin rocks the look better than both of them:

This would be the biggest win of the season for UW, and possibly the biggest of Sark's career. The Huskies haven't beaten a ranked foe on the road since USC over three years ago. The time is now for UW to break the 7-win plateau and start becoming a fixture in the Top 25. I think this experienced team will come out fired up and get the upper-hand on this young Bruin squad. It won't be easy, but UW wins 31-30.

Go Dawgs!

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Nov 8, 2013

In the Buffs

We'll get to Colorado in a minute, but how sweet was watching Nike U fail miserably last night? Those crying Oregon fans were priceless - you reap what you sow, dickheads. Here's a nice shot of Uncle Phil realizing he can't buy a National Championship (or possibly a Pac-12 Championship... or even a Pac-12 North Championship):

 "How many tiny child workers does it take to win a Natty!!!"

That shot came courtesy of which has some more delightful, sad Nike faces on it. Now that they've been slapped out of the BCS picture, it'll sure be nice not to hear about the duckies for awhile.

On to Colorado. While this squad is 0-5 in Pac-12 play, they're basically a team of true freshmen that are playing better and gaining confidence every week. They hung around with UCLA at the Rose Bowl and forced the Bruins to play their starters for the entire game. The Buffaloes are ripe for their first conference win and UW absolutely cannot let them hang around on Saturday and give them the chance to snag a victory in the 4th quarter.

The Buffaloes are sporting true freshmen at quarterback, running back, and their leading tackler. That's pretty insane. The QB is Tacoma product Sefo Liufau, who plays a bit like an extremely poor man's Marcus Mariota.

Liufau custom orders helmets to accommodate his massive ears.

Liufau showed some balls against UCLA when he got in massive linebacker Anthony Barr's face and shoved him after the 6'4 255-pound 'backer smashed him and picked up a roughing the passer call. I like that this rail thin, just-turned-19-year-old stood up to Barr even if the linebacker crushed him again on the very next play drawing another roughing the passer penalty. When asked how many quarterbacks have shoved him, Barr said, "Not many. Not many. That was also a first." Good for Sefo and his Dumbo ears.

I do have to admit that I'm a big fan of Ralphie the Buffalo and wish he was making the trip to Montlake:

Just a glorious, glorious beast.

Little known fact about Ralphie: she's a lady. An enormous, terrifying, ass-kicking lady. Basically the buffalo version of this woman (probably don't click on that). But while I have much love for Ralphie, Colorado's human mascot, Chip, is a no-talent assclown:

Do us a favor and drown, Chippy.

Those arrogantly goofy eyes, those trivializing plastic horns, those tennis shoes... you're a disgrace to buffaloes everywhere, Chip. Even your name sucks.

What an asshole.

Hopefully Chippy fights Puddles, the idiot duck from Oregon, and they both bleed out.

Ah geez, now I feel bad.

While it won't be as easy as the last two years (38-3 last year, and 52-24 in '11), the Huskies should use their superior talent and experience to grind out a comfortable win against these young Buffs on Saturday. 

Will UW beat Colorado by 28 points or more? free polls 

The 28-point spread seems a bit steep, but I think Bishop Sankey will be able to grind out yards and open up the passing game for Keith Price. I'm calling it 41-20 for the Huskies.

Go Dawgs!

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Oct 24, 2013

Time To Go Cal-Stomping

But first off:

Rest in peace, Dawgfather.

Don James is basically the reason we all love Husky Football. And he's the reason us fans are always trying to will this program towards elite status because Don James did it, so we know it's possible.

We'll get to the Cal-slandering in a minute, but first that ASU game... ugh. It seems like every year the Huskies pick one road game to flat-out mail it in. Last year it was at Arizona (52-17), 2011 was at Stanford (65-21), 2010 was at Arizona again (44-14), and 2009 was at Oregon State (48-21). Clearly Sark has not been able to fix this problem in his five years, nor has he been able to avoid the annual three-game losing streak during his UW tenure. That's gonna need to change.

It's unfortunate how much the attitude around the program has changed over the last three weeks, but that's what a losing streak does, especially when it's topped off by a low-energy, craptastic performance like that one down in Tempe.

While the expectations for this season have been tempered significantly, the Dawgs still have the opportunity to make this a banner year (at least in post-2000 terms). And the first step towards that goal is kicking the shit out of a Cal team that is currently crumpled on the bar floor.

Your 2013 Cal Golden Bears!

It sounds like Keith Price will start as Sark said today that he'd "be surprised if he didn't play." It's good that KP's thumb is feeling better, but it would really be a bummer if he re-injured it against a Cal team that is a 27-point underdog and hasn't beaten a Pac-12 opponent in over a year. But losing to Cal would be an ENORMOUS bummer, so I guess you have to pick your poison.

One thing is for sure, the offensive line better show up on Saturday night. That unit's performance against ASU was reminiscent of the 2008 season... just abysmal. I don't know what happened after that first drive, but yeee-ikes. O-line coach Dan Cozzeto understands that another showling like that will have him out of work, so I would be surprised if those big boys don't come out with their asses on fire on Saturday.

"I have literally lit asses on fire before!"

I do have to say that talking shit about Cal has become a lot more difficult after they announced they would be honoring Don James on their helmets on Saturday:

Certainly a very classy gesture on Cal's part. But slagging off on the opponent is what we do here at, so we might as well start off with a bang:

Read. My. Back.

It's crazy that just a year ago, there was a fair amount of bad blood between UW and Cal due to the Tosh Lupoi hiring and the Shaq Thompson commitment - holy crap, did they make the right decision or what? Jeff Sadford and Co. were kicked to the curb and now Cal sits at 1-6 with their most competitive Pac-12 game being a 22-point loss to Wazzu at home. Ouch. The fruit has definitely rotted in Strawberry Canyon.

We can count on Cal passing for a lot of yards though. That's the hallmark of the Sonny Dykes (via Mike Leach) Bear Raid offense. The only problem is they can't get the ball in the endzone. Cal is averaging 466 yards a game, but only 23.7 points (compared to UW's 482 and 33.6). Side note: has there ever been a face that's more of a "Sonny" than Sonny Dykes?

It's Always Sonny in... yeah, this caption sucks.

His parents named him Daniel, but once that little, cherub face strolled out of Gineytown, they had no choice but to call him Sonny. Anyway, the Little Coach That Could has a bit of a quarterback controversy on his hands. He could either go with true freshman Jared "Action Shot!" Goff who just turned 19 a few days ago:

Or this 11-year-old:

I've heard of coaches offering middle schoolers, but starting them?! Evidently this is redshirt freshman Zach Kline and he's 20... I'm not buying it. I feel like this is a reverse Dominican Republic little leaguer situation. Regardless, both quarterbacks get intercepted more than my Uncle Bruce's letters from jail, so UW is in a good spot here.

Looking at the big picture, the Huskies are 4-3 and could realistically finish anywhere from 6-7 to 10-3 this year. So step up to the plate and make your prediction of UW's record after the bowl season.

What is UW's final record this season? free polls 

The Dawgs shouldn't have too much trouble moving to 5-3 after this one. An angry team in front of an angry home crowd should allow UW to physically overpower this young Cal team and either one of their prepubescent quarterbacks. I see Cyler Miles getting some playing time and the Huskies cruising to a 45-17 win.

Oh, and how about buyng some Dawg Dude sunglasses? C'mon... they're $5 and will be delivered fresh from my closet! Or be a baller and pick up the $10 Triple Play:

I promise that all proceeds will go towards replacing the stuff I broke in a blind rage during the ASU game. And a big thanks to all of the people who have bought merch in the past!

Go Dawgs!

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Oct 18, 2013

ASU: Fighting For Their Right To Party

"Are those t-shirts regulation size or what?!"

After playing the most difficult two-game stretch in the nation, the Huskies are rewarded with a tough trip down to the desert to take on an Arizona State team that is on the cusp of being ranked themselves.

This is the perfect opportunity for UW to prove they belong in the top tier of the conference, but it certainly won't be easy as ASU has played very well at home this year and the Huskies have struggled mightily in Tempe over the last decade.

Uh, did you mean 14 years, old fella?

While ASU's football team is making a resurgence under 2nd-year head coach Todd Graham, the university itself has fallen on very hard times. Last year, ASU didn't make Playboy's top party schools list for the first time in the history of the rankings. The Sun Devil student body was devastated: How could this happen? How could this institution lose its identity?

ASU students shitting all over their hard-earned reputation.

But a courageous group of students stood up for themselves, for their university, and for their legacy. If Playboy wants them to party harder then god damn it, they'll party their asses off.

ASU students on the road to redemption.

ASU students fighting to regain their credibility.

But normal partying wasn't enough. They had to turn it up a notch. I mean, a standard keg stand? That's kids' stuff... but baby stuff?

8 pounds, 6 ounces... of Bud Light.

Coeds wearing provocative Sun Devil outfits was no longer enough to make the list. The ASU party revival demanded more, so these ladies rose to the occasion. They dressed scantily and posed with inanimate objects:

And yes, they blew him.

The got drunker and more ridiculous than ever before:

"Hi Mom! I'm on the internet!"

And they dressed scantily and posed with inanimate objects again:

Yes, they blew him too.

But would it be enough for Playboy to reconsider? These brave leaders of tomorrow couldn't take that chance, so they forged on by taking photos of boobs thrust into faces while eating food:

"Could I get extra areola on that?"

And by snapping photos that look like porn video covers:

Two in the pink, one in the stink, beaming with pride.

But was their final vodka-laced, STD-riddled push enough? On September 26th, Playboy released their 2013 list of the hardest-partying schools in America and ASU... came in 9th! The Sun Devils are BACK!

Congratulations to the hardest-working partiers in the country for reclaiming their rightful spot, for fulfilling their destiny, for planting their flag back on the national party scene... even if that flag is of a date rapist holding a trident:

"Just the tip."

Back to football. This should be an all-out battle. ASU has a ton riding on this game as well and have not lost to the Huskies in Tempe since 2001. The key to the game will be UW shutting down ASU's rushing game - if the Huskies can make the Devils one-dimensional on offense, they'll have a great shot at winning. It will get nutty in the desert, but I'm picking the Dawgs, 38-34.

Go Dawgs!

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