Finally! After more than 8 months, Husky Football returns on Saturday night with the re-opening of the freshly remodeled Husky Stadium. And what better way to inaugurate this new facility than to get revenge on the Smurfs of southwestern Idaho, aka the Blue Man Group of Ada County, aka those overachieving dickbags who beat us in the Las Vegas Bowl last year.
I wanted to wait until deeper into the article to post this photo, but frankly I'm not comfortable having it on my hard drive, so I'm posting it now. Can somebody please explain how this happened?
Chippendales: Boise Chapter?
Let this serve as a reminder to all you kids out there: miming + being an asshole at a football game = public shame on a dickish sports blog. Okay, photo deleted from computer, we can move on now.
Boise State Game Prediction
A thundering, sold-out crowd greets the Husky players as they roar out of the tunnel and onto their new field for the first time. It's a perfect night in the perfect atmosphere for the perfect revenge against the--
Wait, what's that? A drunken BSU fan teeters dangerously on the north terrace deck as he rants about how Boise gets disrespected by the BCS while conveniently ignoring that his team is overrated by the national media year in and year out as they battle through such powerhouses as New Mexico, UNLV, and Wyoming. The fan, lets call him this guy...
The Potato Pimp, y'all.
... drops his cheap, plastic pimp cup (that incredibly, he still thinks is cool, even in his 40s) off the terrace and attempts to dive after it.
As the entire stadium watches this spectacle in stunned silence, Austin Seferian-Jenkins snaps into action. He sprints up the bleacher stairs just as this wasted, blue and orange mess of a human topples from the deck. ASJ leaps... and makes the life-saving catch!
But it's not without a price. ASJ's already broken right pinkie is now sticking out of the skin at a 90-degree angle. No bueno. But Awesome Seferian-Jenkins isn't fazed. He dumps out the remainder of the pimp cup and gives an impromptu speech on the dangers of irresponsible drinking to the 70,138 in attendance. People are moved. Like moved enough that a couple hundred dudes decide they'll cab it home later.
ASJ then Krazy Glues his mangled pinkie to his ring finger, sits out the first half due to his offseason transgression, and then explodes for 12 catches, 156 yards, and two touchdowns in the final two quarters.
Meanwhile, BSU quarterback Joe Southwick is being hounded by an attacking Husky defense all night. The superstitious Southwick brought back his porno 'stashe from the Las Vegas Bowl in hopes of cashing in on the good luck charm.
Joey Does Boise.
But late in the second quarter, Joe's lucky cookie-duster is physically knocked off his face by a brutal hit by Hau'oli Kikaha - a dude who has been hitting guys so viciously during the offseason that he had to change his last name from Jamora to evade local authorities. A pair of Bishop Sankey scores and a punt return for a touchdown by super-frosh John Ross gives the Huskies a 21-3 lead at halftime.
UW starts the 2nd half with a little draw play to Deontae Cooper who slips past the Boise linebackers and outraces the secondary for a 75-yard touchdown. After three long years of rehab, Cooper soaks up the moment in the endzone as his teammates go apeshit around him. It's the craziest TD celebration you've ever seen that doesn't involve ANYONE TOUCHING THE GUY WHO SCORED (seriously, no one touch him - if he pulls a Kendrys Morales and gets hurt celebrating, I will lose my goddamn mind).
Not even a finger on the flat top.
The Huskies cruise through the second half with ASJ leading the way and finish with a 42-3 statement win over a ranked (albeit overrated) opponent. UW jumps up to #18 in the polls and Illinois shits their collective pants while watching the game tape.
End of prediction. Start of self-promotion:
Remember to pick up some TheDawgDude sunglasses to protect your eyes from the savage beatings the Huskies are gonna put on fools this season. They're $5 bucks with $3 for shipping, but you can buy as many as you want and only pay the $3 shipping charge. I seriously need to get these things out of my garage so I can make room for my new car:
The insurance premiums on that thing are ridiculous.
Enjoy the new season and the new stadium! Go Dawgs!
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