Dec 28, 2011

Get to Know a D'Bag: Baylor Bears

Baylor's answer to Family Guy's evil monkey.

Finally, after waiting for over a month, the Alamo Bowl is upon us. Like last year, the Huskies take on a heavily-favored, Big 12 opponent, but unlike last year, the Baylor Bears have a Heisman-winning quarterback in Robert Griffin III.  RG3 has been ridiculously good this year -- he leads the FBS with a 192.3 passer rating, nearly 4,000 yards through the air, a 36-6 TD-to-INT ratio, and another 644 yards and 9 scores on the ground.  Ho. Lee. Shitzenburger.

To get an idea of how absurdly dominant Griffin has been, let's take a look at his stats in the first three games of the year: 321 passing yards/game, 56 rushing yards/game, 85% completion percentage, zero interceptions and more touchdown passes (13) than incompletions (12)... what?!!?!  Those numbers should make Nick Holt more scared than LaMichael James riding a roller coaster.

While RG-tres doesn't have the bearded Achilles' heel of an Andrew Luck to make of him about, he does have a penchant for wearing Superman socks and has a significant resemblance to Andre 3000:


But frankly, wearing Superman socks and looking like Andre 3000 are both actually quite fresh (and clean), so I really got no ammo here.  Luckily, I found this photo of Baylor's women's basketball coach:

Creator of the "Pick and Roll up some meth" offense.

Baylor fans have also provided some ammunition with their impressively ignorant attitudes towards the Huskies.  To be fair, these quotes are from soon after the bowl lineup was announced and some Baylor fans were disappointed not to be playing in the Cotton Bowl against #6 Arkansas, but still.  Here is one beauty describing Chris Polk:


Yeah, when I think of Polk, I definitely think "finesse back."  You, HEPBear, are an idiot.  This guy also managed to look up Wazzu instead of UW in finding his offensive stats.  Evidently stupidity is also bigger in Texas.

For a program that is going to its second bowl game since '94, this is an awfully arrogant post:


Thanks HardCoreBear, I will take UW at +62.  This kind of talk shouldn't be surprising coming from a fanbase that uses some sort of scrunched up hand as their school sign:

Is that Simple Jack trying to wave?

For the record, many folks over at BaylorFans.com have changed their tune after learning more about the Dawgs and most predict a hard fought game.  Obviously this one has all the signs of a shootout as Baylor's defense is statistically worse than UW's.  Another bright spot is that the Bears are 114th in the nation with 17 lost fumbles.

There is no doubt that RGIII, All-American receiver Kendall Wright, and 1300+ yard rusher Terrance Ganaway will rack up yardage, but trying to limit them to field goals and causing a few turnovers is all we can realistically expect from the Husky defense.  Ultimately Price, Polk and company will have to keep UW in the game with 40+ points. The 9.5 point spread is a bit daunting, but if the Husky offense can play nearly mistake-free and continue to put the pressure back on Baylor, UW has a shot at taking this game.  But I just don't see how the Dawgs will end up with more points than the Bears in this one, so I have to call it 48-38 Baylor.  I'd love for the Huskies to prove me wrong though.

And while I certainly hope the Dawgs prevail, I'm happy that Robert Griffin III won the Heisman and that Waco, the home of Baylor University, is now famous for something other than... yeah, you know...  Wait, some of the younger readers don't?  Seriously? Fine.  Here.  Yeah... yikes.

To quickly change the mood, here is the Baylor Bear in action:

Solid technique.

And who needs "twiiiiiins" when you have "triiiiiplets"?


Ah crap, my bad.  Here you go:


In conclusion, Dawg fans: hopefully UW shocks the world and prevails in what could be the most entertaining bowl game this year.  For those fortunate enough to have made it down to San Antonio, do your best to counter what will most likely be an extremely pro-Baylor crowd. And most of all, fill up your purple drank and be proud to root on the Huskies.

Go Dawgs!
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you lost dumbass
sic em bears

TheDawgDude said...

It only took you 3.5 months to figure that out. Nice work.

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