Nov 29, 2010

Get to Know a D-Bag: Long Beach St.

Another "Get to Know a D-Bag" installment by rising star and STD-free, Sarkisianity.  GTKADB: Wazzu will come out on Thursday, but stay tuned this week as we may have some additional Apple Cup content up our collective wizard sleeve. On to Long Beach:

The 49ers of California State University, Long Beach visit Montlake on Tuesday to take on a Husky team that is looking to dominate after a disappointing 1-2 record in the Maui Invitational.

Similarly, the Niners (3-3) haven’t started the season the way Head Coach Dan Monson might have hoped. Fresh off an overtime loss to Loyola Marymount, the Niners will surely be motivated to put on a good showing against the Dawgs.  Unfortunately for them, they have yet to face a team as athletic and talented as the Huskies.  Not to take anything away from such vaunted programs as San Diego State, St. Peters College, and the aforementioned Loyola, but clearly, the Huskies will be the toughest test the Niners have faced all season.

 At least the 11th best California State University. At least.
 
It’s tough to fault the Niners for losing focus at times.  After all, they do go to school in a city with world renowned beaches, a bustling port, and A-list celebrities like Jesse James. 

No, not that Jesse James.
 
THAT Jesse James.

While the 49ers have run into issues with opposing basketball teams in this young season, they have managed to avoid a confrontation with the historically brutal adversary of Long Beach State athletics.  This arch-rival, of course, is the renowned trash talker of the animal kingdom and Long Beach resident, the Great White Shark.

The GWS is a real SOB.

While the Great White Shit Talker hasn’t been spotted in the Niners arena this season, their student section is experiencing a bit of down year.  The Monson Maniacs used to be one of the more feared student sections in the Big West Conference and videos like this used to induce trepidation in opposing teams.  Unfortunately, many of those Maniacs have moved on to be personal assistants to the "stars" (i.e. Andy Dick and Eliza Dushku), and the new MM crew certainly leaves something to be desired. 

 Just a couple of honeys from the LBC.

The namesake of the Monson Maniacs is Dan Monson, the Niners head coach and spiritual healer.  Monson has significant ties to the state of Washington, having coach at Gonzaga until 2000 when he was hired to clean up a University of Minnesota program that had just vacated six seasons of wins due to a massive academic fraud scandal. 

Monson is also tied to University of Washington basketball as he was nearly hired as head coach in 2002.  I think I speak for Husky fans everywhere when I say, THANK FUCKING GOD THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!  Monson instead spent six seasons at Minnesota where he led the Gophers to the NCAA tournament just once.  Though his record bordered on abysmal, school officials lauded Monson for bringing integrity back to the program.  Cough Ty Willingham Cough.

"I can't coach, but goddamnit, those players get home before curfew."

Coaching isn’t the only thing Monson struggles with.  He also saw fit to give each of his four children first names beginning with M.  While some may say poking fun at a man’s children is crossing the line, I say those people are morons.  The Monson Four of McKenna, Mollie, Maddox, and MicGuire (yes, that’s really his name) can only hope to achieve the same kind of Mediocrity exemplified by their father. 

Making fun of 10 year-olds and terrible Photoshop skills aside, this should be a good rebound game (pun intended) for the Dawgs.  After playing Virginia, Michigan State, and Calipari’s Knob Polishers, the Niners should give the Dawgs ample opportunity to work on some problem areas in live game situations.  Hopefully MBA can have a big night and regain his form from last season. 

One thing the Dawgs might need to watch out for is Monson’s patented testicle-oriented defense. After being inspired by LBC aficionado Cordozar Calvin Broadus (aka Snoop Dogg), Monson drew up his trademark Deez Nutz defense.

"You smell like Astroglide and Lil' Kim."

My prediction for this one, 115-68 Dawgs.  I’ll be in attendance, so keep an eye out for TDD gear!

Go Dawgs!
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Nov 27, 2010

Balls of Steal

UW went down to Berkeley and stole a win from the Golden Bears in a rainy, ugly mess of a game. All that matters however, is that the Huskies won and now have Wazzu as the lone obstacle in their drive towards their first bowl game in eight years. Celebration!


Sark made a ballsy call to go for the win on 4th and Goal from the 1-yard line with 2 seconds remaining and Chris Polk took the hand off from Locker and barreled into the endzone. Sark was elated, the players went nuts, and TheDawgDude spilled his drink all over himself.

Much of the game was difficult to watch. Jake Locker struggled with his decision-making and accuracy while constantly running from a barely-blocked Cal front seven. The Bears took the lead with a controversial last-second field goal before the first half expired and the Huskies went to the locker room down 3-0.

On UW's first offensive play of the 2nd half, Locker hit D'Andre Goodwin who corralled a deflected ball and ran for an 80-yard touchdown.


Cal took back the lead with a soul-killing touchdown return of a Locker fumble. Fortunately, UW's defense was solid all day and limited the Bears to just a field goal the rest of the way.

The Huskies got the ball back with 4:39 remaining and trailing 13-10. It was clear that this drive would make or break UW's bowl hopes and therefore was the most important series of Jake Locker's career. And the embattled 5th year senior didn't disappoint. In an absolute downfall, Locker tossed up a 46-yard bomb that Jermaine Kearse made a great play on to get down to the Cal 20.

Catch of the season.

After a 5-yard Jesse Callier run, Locker looked like a man possessed to get into the endzone. He ripped off quarterback draws of 8 and 6 yards to get down to the Cal 1 yard-line.


This drive had a similar feel to that last second score against BYU in '08 when Locker willed the team down the field for a touchdown only to be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct in the endzone (by Larry Farina who was also reffing this game) which resulted in a blocked extra point and a loss.

After two straight QB sneaks were shutdown by the stout Bear defense, Sark rolled the dice on 4th down and Chris Polk rumbled in for the score (and managed not to chuck the ball into the air). 16-13! Glorious!


Finally the Apple Cup means something again...well, for the Huskies anyway. If the Dawgs can claw out a win in Pullman, there is a good chance they'll be invited to the Holiday Bowl which is a helluva nice bowl for a 6-6 team.

However let's not forget that Wazzu has played much better of late and should be much more competitive than in last year's 30-0 shutout. The Cougs have also had three weeks off to get healthy and prepare for this game.

But we'll focus on them later in the week. For now, let's celebrate this bowl aspiration-extending, road win!


Go Dawgs!

Photos by AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez.
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Nov 26, 2010

Get to Know a D-Bag: Cal Edition


It's must-win game #2 as the Huskies travel south to Beserkley to take the 5-6 Cal Golden Bears who also need to win to become bowl eligible. It should be an intense Pac-10 battle as both teams are playing for their post-season lives.

Cal safety Sean Cattouse all but guaranteed a victory over UW in telling the San Francisco Chronicle, "We are going to win that game, and we are going to go to a bowl game."

You do that, Sean, right after you finish debugging my computer.

Speaking of dumb comments from rival football players, UCLA's 3rd-string quarterback, Darius Bell, had this to say about the Huskies after going 0-3 with an interception for a touchdown in his first action as a Bruin:
"When you lose to a team that's better than you, it's one thing, but to lose to a team that you know you can beat nine out of 10 times, you feel like this one was that one time out of 10."
Oh Darius, it must be those kind of smarts that got you into City College of San Francisco.

But back to the Bears. Cal is very good at home even though they have lost their last two games there (Oregon and Stanford). They are 37-8 over their last 45 games in the decrepit, condemned confines of Memorial Stadium. Prior to Cal's losses against Oregon and Stanford (the #1 and #6 teams in the country, respectively), the Bears outscored opponents at home 189-34.

I know Tennessee has fallen on hard times, but I didn't think they were taking it literally.

Cal will be without starting quarterback Kevin Riley as the senior QB was lost for the year with a knee injury against Oregon St. Junior QB Brock Mansion then took the reigns of the Cal offense and has predominantly struggled with 48% passing accuracy and a 1:4 touchdown-to-interception ratio.

The Golden Bears have a good one in running back Shane Vereen however as the junior is 2nd in the Pac-10 with 1061 rushing yards. Similarly to their approach against UCLA, the Huskies will want to shut down the run and force the unspectacular Mansion to beat them through the air.

Cal also has two secret weapons. #1 is pole vaulter Allison Stokke. I don't know what she can do to help them win, but I do know that she's hot:

She can vault this pole anyti...that doesn't even make sense.

Secret weapon #2 is Counting Crows frontman and general weirdo, Adam Duritz. Sideshow Bob is a huge Cal Bears fan and will be distracting the Huskies all-game long with his terrifying appearance and appallingly wrong relationship with actress Emmy Rossum. (Update: it appears the couple has broken up. Reports are that Emmy actually saw Adam's face.)

Duritz is known to lure unsuspecting Cal players back to his van for terrible mid-90's hits and gruff makeout sessions.

Little known fact: Duritz played football in high school and was a three-year letterman at the Offensive Eater position:


Do the Huskies have enough in the tank to overcome a pumped-up Cal squad playing in their last game in Memorial Stadium with the support of superfans Allison Stokke and Adam Duritz? In the immortal words of Asia, "Only Time Will Tell."

Go Dawgs!
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Nov 24, 2010

Not Quite There...


#2 Michigan State and the basketball mind of Tom Izzo were too much for the Huskies to overcome in the Maui Invitational's 3rd place game as UW fell to the Spartans 76-71.

The Dawgs were strong in the first half, going up by 10 at the break and harassing the Spartan offense into a streak of uncharacteristic turnovers. However, Coach Izzo made the necessary adjustments at halftime and Michigan St. promptly went on a 17-6 run to take the lead.

To be fair, UW did a nice job in adapting to the ball screen and played MSU tight down the stretch. The Dawgs clung to a two-point lead until Durrell Summers buried back-to-back threes and the Spartans took over for good.

That little leprechaun sure can coach.

It has to be said that Romar was thoroughly out-coached by Izzo in today's game, which isn't much of an insult as Izzo may be the best coach in college basketball. From the halftime adjustments, to the well-executed plays following timeouts, Michigan St. proved that they are a well-coached team that can perform effectively down the stretch.

Unfortunately, UW doesn't have that cache yet. Romar is not known for his X's and O's coaching ability and Washington has lacked an assistant with that prowess since Ken Bone left back in '05. With that said, Romar did call a nice play to get Wilcox an open, game-tying three, but unfortunately the sharp-shooting freshman's shot fell far short.

While UW leaves the Maui Invitational with a disappointing 1-2 record, the team showed it can most certainly hang with two of the best teams in the country and will be a force to be reckoned with in the NCAA tourney if they can fix some crucial issues (i.e. defensive rebounding, free-throw shooting, and  executing in the half-court offense late in games).

The Dawgs certainly aren't having problems bringing fire and intensity to the court. I didn't see much "cool jacket" problems in Maui...though that would have been pretty shocking when playing the #9 and #2 teams in the nation. I loved the heat Justin Holiday brought on this play:


J-Ho inexplicably got a technical for taunting even though Adreian Payne is clearly yelling as well. Has the mild-mannered Holiday ever gotten a technical? That's either a no-call or a double technical.

The Huskies were again out-rebounded. It doesn't seem like it's due to a lack of hustle, but maybe bad positioning. Hopefully the coaching staff gets that improved quickly. Michigan St. had been out-rebounded by both UConn and Chaminade (probably some "cool jacket" issues going on there though...).

There is no doubt that the experience of playing in this preseason tournament is going to help these Huskies in March. UW is a really, really good team and as the season progresses, they should progress into a great team.

Go Dawgs!

Photos by AP Photo/Eugene Tanner.
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Get to Know a D-Bag: Michigan St.

Get to Know a D-Bag: Michigan St. is brought to you by the always lovely, Sarkisianity. Quick note: for the Huskies sake, I hope the MSU players had a big night out in Lahaina last night ala this lovely Spartan coed:


The Michigan State "Students Pissed About Rioting This Year" come into the matchup ranked #2 in the country.  I’m slightly confused as to how an anti-rioting student group can be such a highly ranked basketball team, but I’ll leave that to experts like Joe Lunardi.

 "We’re fuckin’ pissed, bro!"

Wait, I’ve just read past the first paragraph of their Wikipedia entry and apparently they do have a basketball team…with athletes.  A damn good one at that.  Sorry Sparty, my bad.

Sparty’s gaze is known as the most sensual of all Big-10 mascots.

Let me backtrack momentarily and point something out. Michigan State has an anti-riot student group.  How frequent and insane do your riots have to be for students to form a group advocating for a riot free campus?  People in East Lansing must be really attached to their front porch couches.

"I’ll sit out here all day with you, bro. Those dirty rioters won’t burn another one of our precious futons."

Proclivity for violence aside, this is going to be a tough matchup for the Dawgs.  Sparty and Friends were the heavy favorites to win the loaded Maui Invitational and are a consensus Final Four pick.  

Though they’ll probably take a ranking dip after getting surprise-raped by Kemba Walker, make no mistake this is a deep and talented squad.  In other thoughts, Deep and Talented sounds like a porn production company. 

The Spartans are led by head coach Tom Izzo.  To be honest, I don’t have much to say about Izzo.  He’s obviously a good coach and seems to conduct himself with class while demanding the same from his players.  Izzo prides himself on building tough teams that can rebound the shit out of a basketball.  

His infamous war rebounding drill puts players in football pads and turns the paint into a mosh pit.  Pretty bad ass.  It’s not all blue collar basketball and a classy coach however.  The student section at Spartan home games is apparently called the "Izzone."  That’s just fucking retarded. 

When Sparty wants you to call him, you call him.

The unquestioned leader of this year’s Spartan squad is senior guard Kalin Lucas.  He is joined in the backcourt by fellow senior Durell Summers.  Other returnees from last year’s Final Four team include Delvon Roe, Korie Lucious, and Draymond Green.

Final Four 2010: The Spartans showing off their defensive technique.

With two deep teams who build off solid guard play, this should be a horserace.  Hopefully our 10-man rotation will push the tempo and wear the Spartans down towards the end of the game.  I’d also like to see IT and MBA brush off their worst games in over a year and get back to doing work.
 
Pour yourself a hot toddy and tune in, Dawg fans.  This would be the biggest win for this program in a long time.  Time to burn some couches. 

Go Dawgs!

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Keeping Up With the Joneses

Well, that was disappointing. The Dawgs took Kentucky's best punch as the Wildcats jumped out to a 20-6 start, but UW battled back to take a 35-34 lead at halftime. UK held on to a 3-5 point lead for most of the 2nd half and won 74-67.

"Stop being such a Doron!"

Isaiah Thomas and Matthew Bryan-Amaning both had brutal games - they combined to shoot 7-25 from the field, 6-12 from the free throw line, and committed 7 turnovers. Ouch. However, it definitely bodes well for the Huskies that arguably their two best players could play so poorly and the team was only down 2 in the final minute against an elite team.

In some extra suckage, Terrence Jones had a big game for the Wildcats making it hard not to think about how good this Husky team would be with him on it. But it wasn't meant to be. Unfortunately for Terrence, no amount of winning can change the fact that he looks like Mushmouth from Fat Albert:


Next up is #2 Michigan St. - a team that could be better than Kentucky. The Huskies are learning a lot about themselves and these games will certainly pay off down the line. Hopefully IT and MBA rebound with solid games, the Dawgs rebound the ball as a team, and we leave Maui on a positive note.

Go Dawgs!
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Nov 23, 2010

Get to Know a D-Bag: Kentucky

The matchup is upon us that every Husky fan wanted since the field of the Maui Invitational was released: Washington vs. Kentucky. Terrence (Ross) vs. Terrence (Jones). Romar vs. Calipari. Ethics vs. Sleaze.

Ever since PayPal Cal stole prized recruits Terrence Jones and Enes Kanter from UW (though it looks like we dodged a bullet on the latter), Husky fans have wanted their pound of flesh from the infamous, rule-abusing greaseball.

I think Cal just tried to touch Pitino's junk.

Sure, Calipari is a good recruiter, but he also cheats harder than Tiger Woods at Tryst. A few examples: an "unknown individual" took the SAT for star point guard Derrick Rose so he could get into Memphis while Calipari was coach...but I'm sure Calipari knew nothing of this... Just like it was a coincidence when he hired the personal strength coach of Tyreke Evans, McDonalds All-American game MVP, as an administrative assistant. Or in 2001 when he hired the father of Dajuan Wagner, prized recruit and Naismith Prep Player of the Year, to be his "Coordinator of Basketball Operations."

Calipari heading out for a recruiting trip.

Calipari's strange relationship with "goodwill ambassador" Worldwide Wes is well-documented and Kentucky star John Wall was forced to sit out his debut last year for receiving "improper benefits." It seems that most people in the college basketball community think it's just a matter of time before Kentucky gets nailed by the NCAA for PayPal Cal's shadiness.

 Calipari caking on makeup to hide his true identity:

Side note: Calipari has weird nipples.

Then there is the Terrence Jones Saga. I'm sure most people know the story, but here is the recap: back on April 30th, Jones announced on live television during a press conference at his Portland high school that he would be committing to UW. Soon after, he was on the phone with Calipari and chose not so sign his letter of intent alongside teammate and UW signee, Terrence Ross.

 Way to disappoint the children, TJ.

After a few weeks of cryptic tweets and supposed indecision, Jones signed with Kentucky.  Obviously, it's a tough situation being an elite high school athlete with big-time programs/coaches trying to convince you to pick their school, but Terrence Jones really couldn't have handled it more poorly. His actions are compounded by the fact that he doesn't think he should have handled the situation differently. From an article by Nick Daschel in the Oregonian:
Does Jones wish he could take back April 30, when he announced he would join Jefferson classmate Terrence Ross at Washington?

Jones flatly said no.

"I feel players decommit all the time. Everybody knew me not signing anything knew I had options," Jones said.

Jones described the recruiting process as "fun," and said he did not feel embarrassed about how it played out during the final weeks.

"I didn't let anybody rush me. I did it my way," Jones said. "I didn't care what anybody had to say and how I was doing it my way." 
And the final dagger:
"I felt like [Kentucky] played a better schedule and had a lot better team," Jones said, explaining why he changed his mind.
 Is that Tyrone Biggums?

Clearly the Wildcats also have better fans. Unfortunately, Jones has been very impressive in UK's first three games, averaging 22 points and 10 rebounds - albeit against East Tennessee St., Portland, and Oklahoma (who lost to Virginia by 18 today). We'll see who has "a lot better team" tonight, Terrence. I like our odds.

One other thing about Kentucky: can we stop this charade that Ashley Judd is a sex symbol? She ain't exactly a spring chicken:

Haunting children's nightmares since '05.

While I realize that a woman who has nearly all of her teeth and isn't morbidly obese is quite the prize in Kentucky, I think you can do better.

Don't forget to stop by TheDawgDude.com store. Great gifts for Grandma!

Lots of tweeting during the game tonight as well. And the obligatory link to the Facebook page.

Go Dawgs!
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How Cavalier!

The Huskies absolutely dismantled Virginia, 106-63, in the 1st round of the Maui Invitational at the Lahaina Civic Center. UW shot the lights out, tying a school-record with 17 three-pointers and shooting a remarkable 58% from the field.

Darnell Gant abuses Hawaiian rims.

The Huskies played tenacious defense all night, causing 17 turnovers and forcing the Cavaliers to shoot only 37.9%. Nine Dawgs had seven or more points with IT leading the way with 18 and C.J Wilcox putting up a career-high 17.

 IT looked good. As did the mural behind him.

Justin Holiday had 11 points, 9 boards, and 6 steals while Terrence Ross pumped in 12 points on 4/5 shooting from downtown. Abdul Gaddy had arguably his best game as a Husky with 12 points, 6 assists, and only one turnover.

"Who's your Gaddy?"

Former Wazzu coach, Tony Bennett, had no answer for UW's relentless offensive assault. A Bennett-coached team had never given up more than 86 points before the Dawgs rained down 106 on Monday night.

The only ugly thing about the Huskies tonight was Romar's shirt.

Now the Dawgs head to the semifinals to take on the Calipari Cash Acceptors aka the Lexington Shitbags of the NBA’s D-League (Sarkisianity's nickname) aka the Kentucky Wildcats. 

I'm looking forward to Holiday and Gant harassing Terrence "I call press conferences so I can lie to your face" Jones all game with inspired defense as well as the Husky crowd harassing him all night with inspired insults. Here's one to kick it off, dude looks like Bubba from Forrest Gump:

What shrimp goes best with defeat, TJ?

Go Dawgs!

Photos by Brian Tirpak and AP Photo/Eugene Tanner.
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Nov 21, 2010

Get to Know a D-Bag: Virginia

This "Get to Know a D-Bag: Vagina Virginia Edition" is brought to you by Sarkisianity:

The Dawgs caught an 8:20 flight out of SeaTac Saturday morning on their way to the 50th state in these United Fucking States of America.  Not only is Hawaii the only state made comprised entirely of islands, it also boasts the highest rate of getting “lei’ed” jokes in the union...by about 1000%.  Enjoy the 808, boys. 

Romar’s intentions with bringing our boys out there a few days early were two-fold: first, he wanted to give them ample time to socialize with local residents:

All smiles after getting a taste of MBA’s Kalua Pork.

Second, Romar wanted to let our Dawgs acclimate to the sweaty confines of the Lahaina Civic Center. It only seats 18 people, but look at that breaching whale!

Come for the basketball, stay for the mural.

Hosted by Chaminade University, the Maui Invitational has gained a reputation for putting together a stacked field year after year.  This year is no different.  Other than the Montlake contingent, teams include Michigan State, UConn, Oklahoma, Wichita State, Chaminade, Virginia, and the Lexington Shitbags of the NBA’s D-League. 

UW’s first round opponent is the University of Virginia Cavaliers.  While Isaiah Thomas might think the Huskies have the most swag in the Pac-10, Husky fans should probably be happy this game won’t be decided on swagger. 

This swashbuckler knows a thing or two about swagger.  He also doubles as a stand-in rapist for women’s self-defense classes.

Speaking of bi-curious swordsmen, the Cavs are lead by Tony “Two-Tone” Bennett.  Side note: Anthony’s middle name is Guy, and shall heretofore be referred to as such.   

Guy reacting to the news that he was leaving the Palouse.
  
Husky fans were most likely elated to see Guy leave his little kingdom in Pullman.  His ’06, ’07, and ’08 squads marked a pinnacle for Cougar hoops led by the likes of Derrick Low, Kyle Weaver, and my personal anti-Christ, Taylor “Knee Socks” Rochestie:

Just another Tuesday night in the Rochestie household.

This year, Guy’s guys got off to a hot start, going 2-0 against William and Mary and University of South Carolina-Upstate.  They were quickly brought back to earth by the Pac-10’s own Stanford Cardinal (81-60) in Palo Alto.  

Guy’s main guy against the Cardinal was none other than the grandson of Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, Mustapha Farrakhan.  Mustapha went off on the Cardinal to the tune of 14 points.  Yeah, he’s for real.  However unlike his grandfather, Mustapha’s achievements have yet to be recognized by Lybia’s Muammar al-Gaddafi.  There’s still time, son.

Related. 

On Monday, the Dawgs can expect Guy to implement his “bore you to death so that we win the game by default” style of play.  Unfortunately for Guy, he never faced a UW squad as athletic, balanced and fucking deadly from beyond the arc.  I’m looking to Terrence Ross to drop 35 points of steaming shit on the Cavs in order to set up a potential matchup with former teammate Terrence “Ashley Judd said she’d blow me” Jones.  

Apparently, Ross participated in an NCAA 2011 video game contest on Saturday night.  In the words of his blogging teammate and team captain, Justin Holiday, “He had the game won and he didn't execute down the stretch. It's all good. As long as it doesn't happen for real on Monday.”  Agreed Justin, agreed.  

Ross after getting lei'd...you thought I was too good for that joke?

Due to the time difference, tip-off is a little later than usual.  9:00pm PST on ESPN2.  Be sure to tune in and root for our boys.  That is, unless you’re one of the lucky bastards watching them in person.  In that case, pour out some of that Mai-Tai for your homeboys back in freezing Seattle. 
Go Dawgs!

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