Mar 28, 2010

Joe "Hitler" Lunardi Struggles with UW's Success in the Tourney

Sent in by friend of the site, Jason Sykes. Nice work!
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Mar 27, 2010

Huskies Lose to Hillbillies, Refs

To start off, sorry about the late post - the combination of being out of town and the post-loss hangover (from both grief and MD 20/20 Blue Raspberry Bling Bling) led to the delay.

Anyway, this ugly loss certainly wasn't the way we wanted to end the season.

Best 3-guard combo in the Pac-10 next season. By far.

But if you had told me at the beginning of the year that the Huskies would be leading their Sweet 16 game at the half, I would have taken it in a heart beat. If you had then told me that UW would shoot like 8 for 96 in the 2nd half, I would have been a little bummed, but still would've taken it.

IT fouled out of a game for the first time since his first college game against Portland in '08.

That doesn't lessen the fact that this might have been the ugliest game all year. The combination of West Virginia's size/length on defense, the refs' insistence that any contact initiated by an offensive Husky player was a foul, and the fact that the bounces simply weren't going UW's way (5 shots from two feet on one possession without scoring? Are you fucking kidding me?) added up to WVU dominating a hard-to-watch 2nd half.

What was hard-to-listen to for the entire game was Alzeimer's-riddled, CBS play-by-play man, Dick Enberg. Jesus Christ, it was like listening to Abe Simpson call a game on Ambien.

If you look closely, you can see that Enberg's forehead wrinkles actually spell out the word "RETIRE".

I hate using officiating as an excuse, and UW's poor shooting and out-of-control offense (I love ya, Venoy, but this running the ball to the baseline, whipping around and firing a pass to anything that resembles purple ends here) were huge reasons that they lost this game, but holy fucksticks, what was with those offensive foul calls? QPon racked up two in the first half, which took him entirely out of the game. The fact that he had 0 points and 3 fouls at halftime and the Huskies were winning was unbelievable (and bodes well for next year).

UW/WVU Ref: "Here in the Big East, a Titty Twister ain't no foul."

As does the fact the Justin Holiday was the best Husky on the floor against the Mountaineers: 14 points, 8 boards, 5 steals, 2 blocks, and no turnovers. J-Ho stuffed the stat sheet like Peter North stuffs...nevermind. He also shot 2/3 from three point range and is showing that he can consistently knock down the deep ball.

Holiday's salutes were also the most fluid and fundamentally-sound on the team.

The only thing that matched Holiday's defensive intensity in this game was WVU coach Bob Huggins' general toolbaginess. Mike Freeman at described this exchange between Huggins and Mountaineer forward Wellington Smith:

"With the governor of West Virginia just a few feet away, Huggins went into a profanity laced fit. A short time later after, when forward Wellington Smith was beaten by a shorter player, Huggins screamed at him: "A [expletive] midget is whipping your ass." The "midget" in question was 5-foot-8 Isaiah Thomas who held his own against 6-7 Smith."

 I hope Huggy Bear forgot his rape whistle.

What I was glad to hear however, was that Nate Robinson, clad in a Huskies shirt and Mariners cap, was the loudest fan in the Carrier Dome and swore at the refs at least twenty times.

Remember a few years ago when Todd Macullough was the only Husky in the NBA?

Ending the season with this brutal loss is tough to accept, but the fact that UW had a halftime lead against the #6 team in the nation with their best player held scoreless has the future looking very bright. If MBA can continue to improve and Gaddy has a breakout year, the '10-'11 team could finally crack that Sweet 16 barrier. Oh, and adding Terrence Jones wouldn't hurt either.

Plus we can look forward to a long football season full of these:

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Mar 25, 2010

Get To Know a D-Bag: West Virginia

West Virginia was very close to getting a #1 seed in the tournament with their 29-6 record and the third highest strength of schedule rating in the country. There is no doubt that this is a very talented team even without their starting point guard, Darryl "Truck" Bryant, who broke his foot in Tuesday's practice. *Insert a shitty joke about wheels here*

But with all that said, their mascot looks like he shotgun'ed his parents for eating the last of the Funyuns:

A screenshot from Vivid Video's newest title: Dirty Bearded Woodsman Rapes Everything.

The Mountaineers are a forward-dominated squad led by Da'Sean Butler who averages 17.5 points per game along with 6.3 rebounds and 3.3 assists and is majoring in Conjunctions.

"I swear to God, if this white guy touches my head again, I'm choke-slamming him."

Now here is the part of the post where I could talk about how the West Virginia fan base is a bunch of assbackwards, hillbilly, Appalachian rednecks, but TheDawgDude is far too classy for that. Instead, let me tell you about my good friend, Herbert, who actually attended West Virginia University and is a world-renowned endocrinologist:

Did I say endocrinologist? Shit, I meant crazy-eyed, weasel-trapping freakshow. Seriously, WVU fans are like a Jeff Foxworthy wet dream: You might be a Mountaineers fan if your mom fucked Bill Engvall and you have a baby arm growing out of your head.

You know your school has a problem when this is an understated gift for a fan:

And this is a normal gift:

New Mountaineer fans are popping out everyday:

Luckily, not 100% of them will come out looking like Patton Oswalt's brother with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. A handful of them come out like this:

Go Dawgs!
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Mar 24, 2010 Presents: The Second Coming of the Huskies

After starting the season 12-7, the Washington Huskies have gone 14-2, won their last 9 games, and have made it into the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament. Watch out West Virginia: Dawgs Be Barkin'.
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Mar 23, 2010

Huskies Pregame Handshakes


Aaron Levin looks like your friend's little brother that you'd always lock in the closet.  I'm glad he got out and now gets paid more than me...ah shit.
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Enes "The Turkish Traitor" Kanter To Sign with Kentucky

Looks like uber-douche (and Kentucky coach) John Calipari has struck again. Enes Kanter verbally committed to Washington back in November, but reopened his recruitment last month. The 6'9 center/power forward has dominated the Under 18 ranks in Europe and is expected to make a major splash on the collegiate level.

European basketball: solid fundamentals and terrifyingly ugly jerseys.

Kanter also played a handful of games for a professional team overseas which has him in an awkward position with the NCAA and he could miss half the '10-'11 season (or never even play).

John Calipari has his own NCAA issues as well: to gain entry into Memphis while Calipari was coach, an "unknown individual" took the SAT for star point guard Derrick Rose, though I'm sure Calipari knew nothing of this... Just like it was a coincidence when he hired McDonalds' All-American game MVP and Memphis recruit Tyreke Evans' personal strength coach as his administrative assistant. Or in 2001 when he hired that father of Dajuan Wagner, prized recruit and Naismith Prep Player of the Year, to be his Coordinator of Basketball Operations.

Recruits love Calipari's "energy".  And that he gives them tons of money.

Good news for Kanter, Calipari just opened Cali-kebabs!, a Turkish restaurant in downtown Lexington, and needs to hire Kanter's entire family to operate it.

The potential good news for the Huskies is that highly recruited power forward Terrence Jones (Portland, OR) has both Kentucky and Washington as finalists and may steer away from the Wildcats with Kanter committing.

Plus us fans won't be subjected to years of "The Turkish Delight!" from unoriginal play-by-play announcers. Hey, I'm just looking for a silver lining here.

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Mar 22, 2010

It's Time For...The Dancing Dawgs!

For those who haven't seen this, it's a must-watch.

I hope MBA pulls out his jig/shimmy combo against WVU.
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Mar 20, 2010

Huskies Bleed Out Lobos

Wow. The Huskies played their best game of the season in absolutely dismantling New Mexico. From the opening tip, UW ran the Lobos out of the gym. Their pace was amphetaminic - IT and Venoy charged to the hoop, scoring and dishing off to QPon and MBA for layups and dunks. New Mexico briefly tried a 2-3 zone, but stopped after Isaiah buried back-to-back threes. 14 minutes in, UW had an 11 point lead and never looked back, winning the game 82-64.

IT was phenomenal in scoring 15 points, dishing out 7 assists, and somehow managing to add a tat in the 2nd half.

The Huskies are now living up to their high early season ranking. Today's deft passing, tenacious defense, and dead-on three point shooting has sent TheDawgDude into a ferocious case of priapism. Which he will gladly accept.

"God save the Queen!"

Matthew Bryan-Amaning continued his dominant late season run - he scored 15, grabbed 9 rebounds, and blocked two shots. 

Unfortunately, New Mexico was as classy in defeat as their coach's retina-blinding blazer: 

After the 18-point loss, New Mexico's Darington Hobson said, "They're not even that good. They just played a good game tonight." Sure Darington, enjoy watching the rest of the tourney in your PJs.

I'm sorry, Darington, could you speak a little louder? It's hard for me to hear dumb bitches talk.

"I went to the 2nd Round of the NCAA Tournament and all I got was this bloody face."

Quincy Pondexter was as solid as ever (18 points) and thrilled the crowd with an array of electrifying dunks:

The only question now is, who will the Huskies play in the Sweet 16? West Virginia or Missouri?
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Get to Know a D-Bag: New Mexico

New Mexico comes into this 2nd Round matchup with UW as a #3 seed with a 30-4 record and a coach so dipped in hair gel that he makes Drew Rosenhaus jealous.

Steve Alford, aka Dr. Greasenugget, ditched out on the final four years of his contract at Iowa to become New Mexico's head coach in 2007. And he may not be done. Rumor has it that Alford could be replacing Ernie Kent as Oregon's new coach in the offseason. Luckily, I already hate the Palmade Prince, so it will be a smooth transition if he becomes Chief Douchebag down at Nike U.

"Lobo" means "drunk, homeless wolf" in Spanish.

But back to today's UW/New Mexico game. Current betting lines have the Huskies at a 1.5-2.5 point favorite, but this game is about as Pick 'Em as they come. The Lobos best player is Darington Hobson, a 6'7 guard/forward combo who leads the team in points (16), boards (9.3), and assists (4.6).

Hobson also ranked third in the Mountain West Conference in post-dunk obnoxiousness.

The wildcard in this contest is a very influential New Mexico fan that could be in attendance. This fan is no other than the elbow-throwing, hair-pulling, batshit crazy, female New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert. Here is Lethal Lambert losing her shit against BYU:

Now we know what happens when women have their yearly menstruation on Annuale.

To add some gas to the fire, here is a CBS report about some New Mexico players' thoughts on the Pac-10:

"When asked about the leagues' relative strengths, Hobson and guard Dairese Gary both cracked up, but refused to say what they were thinking, instead telling teammate Roman Martinez to provide a diplomatic response."

Motherfuckers. Time to get your comeuppance, Drunk Homeless Wolves.
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Mar 19, 2010

Bellotti Leaves Oregon, Mustache Rejoices

Oregon's Athletic Director, Mike "Dirty Sanchez" Bellotti, resigned from his post today and trotted off to become ESPN's resident college football analyst/staunch 'stache supporter.

Back in the good old days: Bellotti may have been frowning, but his mustache was always smiling.

Sanchez moved from Oregon's head football coach to athletic director after the 2008 season and then jumped ship just 9 months later. As AD, Bellotti routinely stuck his freshly waxed upper lip into football business; interrupting his successor, Chip Kelly, during sideline interviews about the team and talking over the coach about day-to-day football operations at press conferences. But that's not what this move was about.

After the disaster of an offseason that Oregon has had, Bellotti decided to hop off the "Ride the Ducks" mobile before it sank completely.

While he may not admit it, it's clear that Oregon's insistence that Bellotti de-stache himself to remain at the university eventually became too much for the lifetime mustache enthusiast to bear.

A clause in Bellotti's contract at Oregon forced him to shave his mustache in 2007.

While Bellotti was a moderately successful college football coach, America knew him for his robust nose broom. Through victory or defeat, rain or shine, domestic violence or DUI, Dirty's cookie duster was a fixture in living rooms across the country.

"You touch one kid in your van and now you're a 'monster'? C'mon!"

Rumors had been building for months that the mustache was fed up with hiding in the shadows/vacations of Bellotti's private life and yearned to get back to its 2004 heyday when it highlighted a bobblehead doll that outsold all other sports-related, 'stache-focused figurines in the greater Eugene area:

However, University of Oregon President and renown facial hair detractor, Richard Lariviere, balked at the 'stache's suggestion to grow back onto the scene. During an interview with KPTV-Portland, Lariviere explained his decision, "No employee of the University of Oregon will walk around with pubic hair on his face. Not on my watch."

Oregon President Lariviere plans on outlawing all hair on campus by 2012.

While we bid a fond farewell to Bellotti, we can only hope that his mustache will become a staple at ESPN and recapture the tremendous power that it wielded since first sliding out of Mama Bellotti's vagina on that fateful day in December 1950.

Good luck, sir!

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Mar 18, 2010

Huskies Win!

Down 15 with 13 minutes left, it looked ugly for the Huskies as Marquette kept burying three-pointers while taking great care of the ball even with UW's frenetic defense. Not gonna lie, TheDawgDude was more nervous watching this game than he was on a date last night after lunching on Taco Bell's new Pacific Shrimp Taco.

But after a 20-6 Washington run, the Huskies trailed Marquette by one with a little over 6 minutes to play. UW took its first lead since the 1st half on an Elston Turner three-pointer with 5:23 left. From there, it looked like the Huskies just wanted it more - extending positions with offensive rebounds, diving for loose balls, and calmly knocking down clutch free throws.

After struggling much of the game, Quincy Pondexter finished with 18 points, 11 boards, and 2 assists...not counting the unofficial assist he picked up after hitting a layup with 1.7 seconds causing the Dawg Dude to ejaculate in his purple velour sweatpants. After a long, desperate three by the Golden Eagles missed the rim, the #11 Huskies secured the upset, 80-78. In a post-game interview, QPon made sure to mention, "Sorry, President Obama, for ruining your bracket." To be fair, Quincy was all-McCain, all-day back in '08.

Luckily, Joel McHale's bracket is still looking strong after picking the Huskies to win the NCAA championship...he was a walk-on tight end on the Husky football team after all.

Justin Holiday showing his new, patented "Dive & Scream" defensive technique.

UW played their best game of the season, shooting 64.3% from downtown (Holiday went 2/3, further securing himself as a 3-point option) and putting up 21 assists to only 12 turnovers. 

Abdul Gaddy may not play that much, but he led the team in awkward photos.

The Huskies take on the winner of the New Mexico-Montana game (Go Grizzlies!) on Saturday.
Oh c' have a nice, long vacation in Milwaukee to look forward to!

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Mar 17, 2010

Get To Know a D-Bag: Marquette

While UW got unjustly slapped with an 11 seed, Marquette is generally seen as a weak 6 seed making this 6/11 match up a close call for oddsmakers. Most lines have Marquette favored by only 1-2 points. Factor in that this game is playing played in the Husky-friendly location of San Jose and it's pretty clear that it's going to be a close contest.

So I bet you're asking, "who are these assclowns from the Midwest anyway?"

"Oh, gross...did you see that guy's balls?" 
"Yeah...they were weird looking."

Well, I've got answers. First of all, Marquette is located in the beautiful, cosmopolitan city of Milwaukee. And like my grandma always said, "I'd rather be dead in Seattle than alive in Milwaukee."

The basketball team had a decent year - putting up a 22-11 overall record and 11-7 in the Big East. And as I'm sure you've heard ESPN say a million times, "the Big East is by far the best conference in the land, they could beat Pac-10 teams while blindfolded, hands tied behind their back, and quadriplegic" and whatever else ESPN can manage to mumble while deep throating the Big East's collective cock. But I digress, Marquette is pretty good...
...for a bunch of ratards.

The greatest basketball player to ever come out of Marquette is none other than former Sonics phenom, Jim McIlvaine. Jimmy Mac was so good that Seattle paid him $33.6 million bucks - a sum that enraged the much less talented Shawn Kemp to such a degree that he demanded to be traded.

Jimmy Mac showing Shaq his signature move.

Some may disagree and say that Dwyane Wade is the best player from Marquette. I might even agree with them if I knew who that was (I forsaked the NBA after it sodomized Seattle).

Oh, Dwyane Wade! The guy with the absurdly spelled first name! Ortherwise known as this 6 foot 4 mass of complaints and infidelities:

Anyway, the Golden Eagles are a fast tempo, guard-driven squad led by their head coach and magical leprechaun, Buzz Williams:

I know I may take some heat for this, but I still support the measure to bar fightin' leprechauns from college athletics (yeah, you inferred correctly, Notre Dame - that's a "Fuck you".)

What Marquette doesn't have is a balls deep bench like the Huskies. If UW can push a furious pace, the Golden Eagles could get into foul trouble and/or tire in the 2nd half.

Yea, she is cute. Until she gives you syphilis in an Applebees' bathroom.

Luckily we don't have to worry about contracting syphilis from these ladies as you and I wouldn't fuck them with Jim McIlvaine's dick.

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