Oct 13, 2007

3-Game Losing Streak

While I have done an incredibly poor job updating the blog lately, I can assure you the reason for this was definitely not the fact that I'm lazy, I mean, was being lazy. I certainly didn't spend the majority of the weekends sleeping in 'til 2pm and watching videos like this for three hours on youtube when I should have been working on the blog. Nope, definitely not laziness.

Anyway, the Huskies have lost three in a row:

While a fair amount of the optimism going into the Ohio St. game has disappeared, the season is not lost. A 5-3 record over the final eight games will put UW in a bowl game and firmly supplant the program as being "on the rise." QB Jake Locker has continued to impress while making plays with his feet, but his struggles with passing accuracy have become the focus of his game. Defenses are looking for the run and putting eight or nine defenders in the box and daring Jake to throw and I expect Arizona St. to do the same tonight. However, if Jake can hit his receivers down field, it will open up the running game and hopefully lead to a much more impressive offensive display than we saw two weeks ago against USC. On to a brief recap:

Game #3: Ohio St.

Locker ended the 1st half with a touchdown pass to Anthony Russo and the game looked good for the Dawgs as they came out of halftime with a 7-3 lead. Then the wheels came off the bus as OSU scored on a 68-yard TD pass, the Huskies fumbled the ensuing kickoff, and the Buckeyes punched in another TD to take a 17-7 lead. The Dawgs didn't roll over, but OSU proved to be too athletic and well-coached for UW to pull the upset, winning 33-14.

This loss is looking better now though as OSU is ranked #3 in the nation right now and should move up to #1 as #1 LSU lost to Kentucky and #2 California lost to Oregon St. earlier today.

The Dawg Dude was lucky enough to attend this game and dropped $45 to stand in the East Endzone sandwiched between the massive man-breasts of a most certainly diabetic Buckeye fan. Good times. However, I did see a four year-old Husky fan perched on his father's shoulders holding a sign that said, "Bust the Nuts!" and got to witness this post-game "performance" by Ohio State:

Some say Coach Tressel is taking the "It's fun to stay at the O-S-U" slogan too far in trying to corner the market on gay athletes.

Game #4: UCLA

The Huskies entered their Pac-10 opener 2-1 and looking for a big road victory against a depleted UCLA team coming off a 44-6 face-slapping at the hands of the Utah Utes (Can Utes slap? Aren't they some kind of goat? Googling...oh, great, they're Native Americans. Now don't I look like an asshole). UCLA's starting QB, Ben Olson, was ruled out for the game due to "headaches" most likely caused by hits like this in the Utah game.

Things looked good for the Dawgs.

...Until they found out that they have no run defense. UCLA amassed 333 yards on the ground and backup QB Patrick Cowan provided just enough of a throwing threat to carry the offense - until he was also injured and walk-on QB McLeod (pronounced mic-cloud) Bethel-Thompson was forced to come in and hand the ball off 17 straight times. McLeod? Really? You spent nine months thinking of a name for your baby and you went with McLeod? Really?

Locker struggled with his accuracy in the first 3 quarters of the game, but calmed down in the 4th quarter and tossed 3 touchdown passes, including this 63-yarder to Anthony Russo:

Which led to this:

If only our run defense was as good as our mid-air ass-grabbing celebrations.

Unfortunately, UCLA kept coming up with big plays as well and prevailed 44-31.

Game #5: USC

Husky Stadium was rocking on this miserable, dark, rainy afternoon as the Dawgs nearly pulled off the upset of then #1 ranked USC Trojans. USC certainly did their part by turning the ball over 3 times and racking up 161 yards in penalties, including this late hit on Jake Locker.

The secondary played very well, intercepting two John David Booty passes and returning one for a touchdown. The special teams also stepped up with a blocked punt in the 4th quarter:

The Huskies recorded their first blocked punt since the Cleveland Administration.

However, the offense simply couldn't move the ball when it counted. Locker continued to struggle with his passing accuracy, completing only 13 of 28 passes including an overthrow of a wide-open Quintin Daniels in the endzone.

The close 27-24 defeat became even more disheartening when USC lost at home to supposed Pac-10 doormat Stanford the next week. Ugh.

USC coach Pete Carroll revels in his generally douchebaggery after the game against the Huskies.

But wait, he'll get his...

The same Carroll one week later feeling like a donkey's vagina after losing to 41-point underdog Stanford. At home.
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Sep 12, 2007

The Buckeyes Come to Town

The 10th Ohio State Buckeyes bring their 21-regular season game winning streak into Husky Stadium this Saturday for a full-on, gloves-off throw down against a rejuvenated, 2-0 Washington team. "The" Ohio State University (yea, it's officially "The Ohio State University", sort of like "the Google" and "the we take ourselves too seriously") made it to the National Championship game last year where they were tied up and viciously beaten by Florida, 41-14. This team lost a ton of talent from that squad, but still has some serious playmakers on the defensive side of the ball, including linebacker James Laurinaitis and defensive end Vernon Gholston:

James Laurinaitis

My friend had to get a prescription for a topical cream to kill the Laurinaitis growing on his nether regions.

James Laurinaitis' Father

The "pro" wrestler Laurinaitis had the nickname Animal. Seriously.

Vernon Gholston

I was trying to come up with a witty caption here, but I was too busy hiding under my bed.

The Buckeyes have one of the best defenses in the nation - if not the best defense. tOSU - that is the official abbreviation for the school with the "t" standing for "The"....is this university run by children? Evidently yes:

That kid is going to be one hell of a bisexual Buckeye cheer king someday.

Anyway, tOSU has given up an average of 4 points per game to opponents - although those opponents were the powerhouse combo of Youngstown St. and Akron.

The Buckeyes also have a very impressive running back in Chris Wells. One positive for the Huskies is that the tOSU quarterback is this no-talent assclown:

QB Todd Boeckman missed 5 games last year with constipation.

The Buckeyes are coached by Jim "Lord of the Sweater Vest" Tressel:

Tressel will have his own heated 1-on-1 battle for sweater vest-loving supremacy with our own infamous sweater vest-lover, Ty Willingham:


Vegas favors tOSU by 4.

College football pundit Phil Steele picks the Buckeyes, 20-10.

Seattle Times Husky reporter Benedict, er, Bob Condotta says tOSU 21-17.

Not everyone has their head up their ass on this one though. The respected sports projection gurus at Scouts Inc. take the Huskies 17-14, and 3 of the 5 "experts" on CBS Sportsline are predicting a Dawgs victory.

I will again turn to The Dawg Dude's Patented PS2 NCAA Football Game Simulation System which has UW winning 28-10 with Jesus Locker going throwing for 126 yards and a TD and running for 89 yards and another touchdown. The Washington defense was the story of the afternoon, limiting tOSU to 194 total yards and making 11 tackles for loss, including 5 sacks.

UW should benefit from the loudest Husky Stadium since Miami lost here in 2000 and will gut out a very close win.

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Sep 10, 2007

Boise St. Game Highlights

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Sep 8, 2007


Greyson Gunheim and the Husky defense led Washington to a 24-10 victory over Boise St. this afternoon at a raucous Husky Stadium.

Super Jake used his hands, feet, and preternatural ability to shred the BSU defense for 277 total yards and a pair of touchdowns.

The Husky offensive line opened up running lanes in the BSU defense like Jake Locker parts the Red Sea, or UW coeds legs.

Washington's defense limited Broncos star running back Ian Johnson to 81 yards and forced four BSU turnovers.

Your team may have lost, but hey, at least you still look like an asshole.

It must suck to get beat up by the Husky defense all afternoon and then lose the post-game thumb wrestle.

Look for Ian Johnson to have a huge game next weekend after touching Jake.



The game was quite a bit closer than the two-touchdown final score indicates. The Broncos drove into UW territory multiple times in the 4th quarter only to turn the ball over. The Huskies played the "bend but don't break" defense perfectly by tightening up in the red zone and limiting the prolific BSU offense to only 10 points - their lowest output in 18 games.

Quarterback Jake Locker continued to spark man-crushes everywhere by winning his home opener, beating a Top 25 team, and mentioning he was close to curing prostate cancer in his post-game interview.

Brock Huard provided the color commentary for the Fox Sport Northwest broadcast and did a great job. I was bracing myself for the worst, but Huard was very articulate and knowledgeable - unlike co-host Brian Davis, who's "4th down. No check that: 3rd down....it appears to be 2nd down. I'm sorry" comment cost the broadcast some respectability. It's a damn shame Brock couldn't commentate us to a Rose Bowl win.
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Sep 5, 2007

The Boise State Pre-Game

The Washington Huskies welcome the 20th-ranked Boise St. Broncos to Montlake on Saturday for the first meeting ever betweenthese two schools. The Broncos own the nation's longest winning streak at 14 games as well as the nation's ugly field:

I find it disgusting that they play football on the site of the 1986 Smurf Massacre.

Boise St. became media darlings last year when they went 13-0 and stunned heavily favored Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl on a trick "Statue of Liberty" score in overtime. Many people (including me) consider that David vs. Goliath battle to be the greatest college football game they have ever watched. The contest was given even more of a Hollywood twist when star tailback Ian Johnson proposed to BSU cheerleader/girlfriend Chrissy Popadics on the field after the game:

Good to see that Ian is Living Strong.

Chrissy went from being a part-time waitress at the Greasy Spoon Diner in downtown Boise to the future wife of an NFL running back. Shrewd move, Popadics.

The Broncos have lost a lot of talent from last year's undefeated team and are certainly beatable, especially when playing outside of their ridiculous stadium (BSU is 0-12 all-time when playing at BCS schools):

Where children play football.

Where adults play football.

I expect the Husky defense to contain Mr. Popadics and harass the Bronco's first-year starting quarterback Taylor Tharp into making costly mistakes. On the offensive side of the ball, "The Chosen One" will find plenty of space to run through the Bronco D on his way to over 100 yards rushing.


Vegas says BSU by 3.

Bob Condotta of the Seattle Times says Huskies 35, Broncos 32.

The Dawg Dude's Patented PS2 NCAA Football Game Simulation System predicts a 49-10 whitewashing by the Dawgs with Locker passing for 195 yards and a score and rushing for 93 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Husky Stadium will be rocking and the Huskies will move closer to a Top 25 ranking with the victory.

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Sep 2, 2007

Syracuse Game Highlights

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Sep 1, 2007


42-12! 30-point victory! The Savior!

Jesus Locker had a fantastic debut tallying 225 total yards and 2 touchdowns while the Husky defense held the Orange to 8 yards rushing and sacked Andrew "Red-Headed Step-child" Robinson seven times.

Syracuse coach Greg Robinson had difficulty watching his Orangeman get dry-humped up and down the field.

Louis Rankin ran wild for 147 yards and 3 scores.

Jordan Reffett perfected his Chicken Dance.


First of all, the ESPN play-by-play crew of Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, Colin Cowherd and Rob Stone was horrendous. Midway through the 1st Quarter, I was forced to cut the audio and turn on the sweet, sweet game-calling of Bob Rondeau on KJR 950 as McDonough's annoying voice and misinformed opinions were making my ears bleed. And as a side note, McDonough looks remarkably like Yellow Bastard from Sin City:

Mrs. McDonough is one lucky lady.

Louis Rankin looked quicker than I've ever seen him before - particularly on his 47-yard touchdown run and on an option toss from Locker when he broke a tackle 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage, reversed upfield, hit the corner, and picked up a 17-yard gain.

The defensive line also had its best collective game in recent memory, allowing only 8 rushing yards and piling up 7 sacks - including two by Greyson Gunheim and 1.5 by a much-improved Caesar Rayford.

In the end, Syracuse fans showed their true colors (along with their hellaciously ugly uniforms) by continuing to be good sports even when their team was getting the Orange kicked out of them:

Stay Classy, Syracuse.

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Aug 30, 2007

The Syracuse Pre-Game

The Huskies travel across the country to depressed, lonely upstate New York to take on the vaunted Orange of Syracuse.

As I spent four years of college in this area, I am well acquainted with the land of Carousel Mall, fem-mullets, and retirees gambling away their pensions at Turning Stone Casino.

The Carrier Dome: The stinky, moist armpit of college football.

One of the beauties of upstate New York.

The Orange have fallen on hard times recently winning only 5 of their last 23 games. The 'Cuse will also be unveiling their "quarterback of the future" in Andrew Robinson - a sophomore who figures to have a talent level similar to Jake Locker's...if Jake was a 4-foot tall leper with goo for hands.

Andrew Robinson: Dennis the Menace plays football? This guy looks like the neighbor kid you used to hit with a stick.

Otto the Orange:
Twice the quarterback Robinson will ever be.


The Vegas line says UW will win by 3.

Phil Steele (some college football "expert" who's "job" it is to predict scores) takes the Dawgs in a 24-23 win.

Bob Condotta of the Seattle Times predicts a 24-13 win for the Huskies.

But most importantly, The Dawg Dude's Patented PS2 NCAA Football Game Simulation System predicts a 28-7 Husky victory. And by "simulation" I mean that I played the game (on the 'Heisman' level - I'm not one of those 'All-American' pussies) and was left breathless by Jake Locker's talent, even in pixelated, 3" x 2" form (10-14 passing for 229 Yds with 1 TD and 11 carries for 93 Yds and another TD) as well as the stout Husky defense (190 total yards and 3 sacks).

So unless Otto the Orange takes over at QB and the 'Cuse quickly recruit an offensive line of fem-mulleted upstate NY hog mollies, I just don't see the Dawgs having much trouble with this one.
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Aug 29, 2007

Recent UW Football Highlights

Here's a nice highlight package from the last few years courtesy of supremescreamer1 to wet your appetite for Friday's '07 season opener.

I know digging up Husky highlights from the last few years is as difficult as finding recent pics of Britney Spears not looking like a fat transsexual, but it is a well made video with some great UW plays sprinkled in. And let's be honest, we've all been turned on by a fat transsexual at least a couple dozen times.

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Aug 27, 2007

2007 Washington Huskies Season Preview

The two most important aspects of this upcoming season have to be:

1) UW plays what is widely considered to be the most difficult schedule in all of college football. Yowza. This is good in that we could really make a statement by beating such quality opponents, but is terrifying as a season-opening loss to Syracuse could lead to an 0-7 start and a shitstorm of Gilbertsonian proportions.

Look at the schedule following the Syracuse game:

Sept. 8 BOISE STATE (Preseason Rank: 24)
Sept. 15 OHIO STATE (11)
Sept. 22 at UCLA (14)
Sept. 29 USC (1)

Good sweet God. Our freshman quarterback better grow up quickly.

Luckily that QB is this man:

Jake Locker:
A gun-slinging, bull-dozing, punkass-slapping

Which brings me to my second point:

2) Jake Locker. Jesus Christ. Jesus Locker. Jake Christ. Take your pick, it doesn’t matter – this kid is The Savior. Locker’s first start against Syracuse is the most anticipated debut of a Husky football player ever.

His mythical standing comes from leading Ferndale High School to a 14-0 record and the 3A state championship while throwing 27 touchdowns (and only 3 interceptions), rushing for 24 more, earning Parade All-American honors, and leading the league in demons cast into hell. The Jesus-Beast can do it all: run, pass, catch, kick, hold, long-snap, cure disabilities, walk on water, everything.

He’s the real deal.

How are the Syracuse defenders supposed to stop a guy who can conceive immaculately? Furthermore, I expect Locker to impregnate the Orange defense All. Night. Long. (and depending on the length of the game) 'til the break of dawn.
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2007 Season Predictions

According to most "college football experts", the 2007 season looks bleak for the Huskies. The combination of the nation's #1 most difficult schedule and a redshirt freshman starting quarterback has many pundits picking UW to finish near the bottom of the Pac-10.

However, those pundits don't realize that this frosh QB is seven feet tall and can shoot fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. And by that I mean, he carries the ball like a running back, has improved passing accuracy, and is unusually poised for a 19 year-old quarterback...and can shoot lightning bolts out of his ass.

On to the punditry:

Jimmy Boyd's Locksmith Sports picks U-Dub to finish 8th in the Pac-10. Jimmy also looks like a Grade A douchebag, so his opinion doesn't count for much.

Sports Projections also has the Huskies finishing 8th in the Pac. Project this: you guys are idiots. It appears they failed to take this defensive end into account:

Greyson Gunheim. On this play, he ran across the field, made the tackle, and then ate the ballcarrier. No, I didn't stutter. He fucking ate him. It was chilling.

The Tucson Citizen predicts Washington will finish 9th in the Pac-10. The Tucson Citizen also has a tiny penis. Hey, it needed to be said. True story.

At least College Football News is on the right track. They picked UW to play Utah in the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. Finally some experts with an accurate analysis. Though I'm not sure why they spelled Rose, "Bell Helicopter Armed Forces." Weird.
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